bad wims

2010: The Year that Was

2010-12-27T04:39:00.000-08:00

I'll start with the biggest news of the past year. After 10 years of marriage, Mecca and I split up. We are still good friends and socialize with each other, so just in case you're debating whether or not to invite us both to the same party - don't worry about it.

(smile)

Of course, it is a big change for me. I am slowly re-learning bachelorhood. I'm sharing my new apartment with two furry roommates - Baci and Moshi.

The year was full of travel. I probably logged more than 5,000 miles by air and by land.

2010 brought some other significant milestones.

My baby niece Chela turned 1.

My nephew Jett turned 6; my first niece Allie turned 20. Wow. My dad turned 70. And my only grandparent - my grandma Alice - turned 90. I flew down to Florida in order to wish her Happy Birthday in person. It was one of the highlights of my year.

I spent Christmas with my folks in Denver. They are doing great. Under doctors orders, my dad has adopted a near-vegan diet. So we had to-furkey for Xmas dinner. It didn't taste too bad. It was about 95% brown rice and veggie stuffing and 5% tofu. For the first time in my life I beat both parents at Scrabble. Here's a tip, 'qi' - another spelling for 'chi' is a great word. So is 'qat' - another spelling for the leafy opiate 'khat.' Unfortunately, the mountains clogged with snow, preventing my big bro and his family from driving in from California.

2011 promises to be an exciting year. I will be doing a lot of traveling for work and play. And, Zeus-willing, I look forward to turning 44 this fall.

I wish everybody peace, prosperity and good health in 2011.

Happy New Year everyone!

Happy Birthday Grandma

2010-07-05T17:18:00.001-07:00

The woman my Aunt Gerry (pictured in the middle) affectionately described as "too ornery to die" turned 90 last week. In fact, this is a rare photo because grandma is actually smiling. Usually, grandma sports kind of a scowl or deadpan.

My grandmother has outlived her husband by 15 years, and her youngest daughter. She's lost a leg to diabetes and has developed a cancer on one of her eyelids. She recently had a bout with a bladder infection that almost killed her. Grandma didn't think she'd make it, so she wrote a letter to her children to tell them that she loves them, even though she doesn't always show it.

Grandma loves to gamble - whether it's bingo, scratch-off cards, lotto, slot machines. But she has a special soft spot for her grandchildren and great-grand children.

It was great to be able to hang out with her in Florida for a few days. We surprised her with our visit. One day we took her to the casino. I helped her feed $10 and $20 bills into the slot machines. And I cashed nearly $300 worth of tickets for her. It was great to listen to her cuss in her Cruzan accent and reminisce with my mom and my aunt and uncle about life back on St. Croix, U.S.V.I. Of course, the conversations inevitably turned to talk about neighbors, friends and family members who'd died.

Happy B-Day grandma, may you have many more.

Actions speak louder than verbs

2009-11-18T09:16:00.000-08:00

In Michael Pollan's "In Defense of Food" he wrote a simple, 7-word, phrase:

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

I've tried to follow that as best as possible and have found it to be life-changing. It has helped me improve my physical health.

But, of course, there is more to life. And lately, I've become aware that I'm missing so much more. After some soul-searching I came up with a list/mantra to help guide me in the future. The list is in no order of importance:

dream

plan

travel

create

play

Uh, now that's just plain stupid

2009-09-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

People who know me, know that I try to be diplomatic and non-judgemental about perspectives and points of view that differ from my own. I also have an aversion to snarky bloggers who heap loads of hate on people by saying things they'd never say to someone's face.

But I'm 42 now and I've come to a few conclusions that some things are just plain stupid and I'm not afraid to tell people who disagree with me that these things are stupid:

First, the Second Amendment.

The Second Amendment, which too many people believe is God's justification to stockpile every gun ever made, was written at a time when the Government was still unstable and vulnerable, kind of like a baby turtle whose shell is still soft. It's stupid in the same way the book of Leviticus - and much of the Bible is stupid. For Christ's sake, we don't stone children to death who talk back to their parents and we don't need muskets at the ready to join up with the local militia and defend ourselves against a tyrannical local or foreign government. These ideas are out of date and now they're dangerous because paranoid idiots have adopted them as God's truth.

Church

Church is stupid. If you believe in the big 'g' God and feel like you have to be somewhere, at a specific time and perform a specific set of instructions (rituals), I think what you're doing is just plain stupid. And if your god requires you to do these things in order to get some reward at the end of your life, then your god is just plain stupid too.

Here's a list of some other really, really, stupid things I can think of off the top of my head: diet soda, fat free cheese, greeting cards for Halloween, situational comedies, ideological bumper stickers, buying and wearing expensive sports jerseys, equating President Obama with Hitler, equating the far left with the far right (the right is much worse, cuz they're armed to the teeth), denying man-made climate change, raw food-ism, etc.

No racists here.

2009-09-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

OK, Mr. tea party protester, you say you're not a racist. And since I can't read what's really in your heart, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe your angry opposition to the president's health care plan is based on your fiscal conservatism.

So you must have seethed with rage when the Bush Administration and the majority Republican Congress passed the Medicare part D drug program and essentially wrote a blank check to fund the war in Iraq? One of your fellow fiscal conservatives, Judd Gregg (R-NH), said this about the Medicare part D drug program, "Things like the [Medicare] Part D drug program were truly a big mistake from the standpoint of fiscal policies. The Part D drug program alone added an $8 trillion unfunded liability to the federal books. If we were going to put that program on the books, we should have paid for it." And about that war in Iraq? Economist Joseph Stiglitz called the Iraq war a, "$3 trillion war."

That was probably when you first printed up that "Congress is enslaving our children with debt" sign. Yes?

Or maybe you're a civil liberties conservative who is concerned that Obama's Recovery Act and health care reforms border on totalitarianism -- that they endanger the freedoms guaranteed us under the Constitution? So, as a staunch advocate of personal liberty, you must have become positively apoplectic with anger when the Bush Administration/Republicans crafted and Congress passed the Patriot Act. You had to be 'mad as hell/not going to take it anymore' when the Bush Adminstration admitted to illegal wire taps and when the NSA admitted to monitoring private phone calls of American citizens. I have to imagine you were angry enough to punch a nun when you found out the U.S. detained and tortured terrorism suspects (including Jose Padilla - an American citizen) for years without being charged. And holy buckets, your ears had to be shooting steam when you discovered that Bush Administration officials instructed interrogators to use torture tactics that totalitarian regimes like the Soviets and the Nazis once used to elicit false confessions from prisoners.

Nope, you're not a racist. You're a true patriot.

I need to say this. But I don't know if it helps.

2009-09-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

(Note: if you want to read this, but are confused, follow the link in the first sentence before reading further)

I went to the office the morning after it became apparent we were losing our potential baby. I didn’t know what else to do. I told my boss what had had happened, and she sent me home. She told me that it was necessary for me to be at home for my wife.

But when I got home my wife told me there was nothing I could do and that I might as well go back to work.

She was right.

I was not the one who was undergoing a miscarriage. I was not physically losing a part of my body down the toilet. What in the glorious fuck was I going to say or do to make her feel better?

So I did what any decent husband would do. I hung around the house, waiting to be needed, for anything – to be cried upon; to take her to the hospital; or run errands for her. I was utterly heartbroken for many reasons but mostly because I had to watch the woman I love suffer physically and emotionally, and be helpless to do a goddamned thing to help.

It turns out she did need me to run to the store for her. And I was happy to do so. I also installed a temporary screen in the front window and shoveled a bunch of wood chips onto a path next to the garage. I was trying to do anything to be useful. I needed to feel like I was good for something.

But I felt like that was not the time to share that particular sentiment with her. She didn’t need to hear about my biological/sociological male needs to feel useful. That was not going to take away her pain, her cramps, her blood and tears. Times like these make me think that a man can never really get any sympathy from a woman. And we don't deserve it.

That’s certainly the protocol for expectant fathers. I was preparing myself to undergo the ups and downs of pregnancy; to be the understanding partner who might feel the occasional verbal swipe from a hormonal wife. I was preparing myself for late night runs to the store for the foods she would crave. I was prepared to go perhaps months without sex or intimacy of any kind. And I was preparing not to complain about it – after all my inconveniences would be nothing compared to carrying and giving birth to a baby.

And I was more than willing to endure it. For one magical week, I was an expectant father. I felt like a king-stud and I walked with an extra swagger. Like my wife, I felt like we were going to have a boy. And that made me glow. I looked at my friends’ Facebook pics and videos of their sons with an entirely new outlook. I was going to be a fuckin’ daddy. I was going to have the opportunity to raise a boy and teach him stuff I knew about like girls, guitars, grilling steaks and a whole lot more.

We are experiencing a tragedy together, but honestly I don’t know if telling my wife about my disappointment and heartbreak right now will help her work it out. That’s why I decided to write this down. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m just trying to figure out what’s best for her, but I’m in unchartered waters. I don’t know any other men who’ve been where I am. Someone close to me and his wife had a miscarriage some years back, but they already had two kids at the time. And frankly I don’t know how much good it would do if I did know someone in a similar situation.

Heavy Metal Kittens

2009-09-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

I did the guitars and sampled/cut/paste the drums.

scary!

Equating Bill Maher with Glenn Beck? Really?

2009-08-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

Bill Maher says America is a stupid country. Glenn Beck calls President Obama a racist. A CNN segment calls them both 'Wingnuts of the Week.'

Really?

Maher's statement is blunt and broad. And because he doesn't say certain people in America are stupid, one could accuse him of being hyperbolic or too general. But is that equal to someone like Beck saying stupid shit like "Obama has a deep-seated hatred for white people?"

Nope.

The only fair comparison you can make between the two is that both Beck and Maher are entertainers who say things in a certain way in order to get a response.

But I see this little CNN segment as part of a larger problem with my colleagues in the media today. They seem to bend over backward to draw parallels to the current antics of right-wingers to those of the left. And they do so at the expense of the 'truth.'

The truth is there's a history of angry white mob violence in this country that is fueled by fear of non-white people taking over. And that is what is spurring the 'Tea-baggers,' and the 'birthers' and the yokels at these town hall meetings to wrap themselves in an American flag and scream, "I want my country back!"

Unfortunately, when my colleagues in the national press see people holding signs comparing Obama to Hitler or Stalin or Mao, they say, 'well people have some strong feelings about healthcare. There are people with strong feelings on the other side too."

That's bullshit and we as journalists should know better. I suspect there are some of us who do suspect there's a strong racist element to these protests, but are afraid to be labeled as taking a partisan stand in the issue.

But sometimes, you gotta call a spade a spade. Or a racist fuckhead who holds up her birth certificate at a rally and calls the president a Kenyan citizen - a racist fuckhead.

Which brings me back to Maher, who, while he's not a journalist, is not afraid to confront ugly truths. And one of them is - as these right-wing, rally troglodytes are showing us - there are a lot of stupid people in this country.

the omnivore's orgy

2009-07-26T10:00:00.001-07:00

Last week, I feasted on a variety of critters from land and sea, raw and cooked, in one evening - all in small tasting portions, of course:

grilled octopus (pictured)
The following were eaten raw: scallop, oyster (on the half shell) and yellow or bluefin tuna.

Also had fried clams, beef short ribs, lamb sausage, lamb bacon, deep-fried lamb brain, lamb and other meat meatballs. By the time the duck confit wrapped in filo dough came about I was too full to try it.

Of course there were other veggie side dishes: beans, hummus, grilled 'squeaky' cheese with watermelon. I'm probably forgetting several things. Maybe that's because everything was washed down with several glasses of sparkling wine, a mojito and a bottle of beer. Perhaps the most unusual part of the story, is, the next day, I felt great.

The sea food came courtesy of the grand opening shin dig for a restaurant called Sea Change - in the Guthrie. After that we ventured down to Saffron, where chef Sameh treated us to some of his favorite food. And it was all good.

Such is the life of the husband of a food writer. Before I met her, I probably would never had tried half the stuff I ate that night. Life tastes so much better with you, baby. Thanks.

"Never been there before" lunch week continues...

2009-07-16T08:33:00.001-07:00

The top photo is a "german sausage" from the German Hot Dog Company. It's located right next door to Falafel King in the TCF skyway area. Due to my predilection for the crispy, deep-fried balls of joy, I'd never ventured over to the little hot dog joint. The first thing you notice about the German Hot Dog Company, is that it's run by two Asian women. Such is the nature of the great ethnic salad bowl which we call America. The sausage was very, very tasty. Unfortunately, in my haste to get back to work, I forgot to secure some ketchup and mustard. But the onions were juicy and sweet and were almost good enough to make up for the lack of liquid condiments.

On Wednesday I ventured down to Cosi in the IDS Center. They apparently focus on the Triple S lunch formula: soup, sandwich, salad. And from my limited exposure, it looks like they do a decent job. I grabbed one of my favorite sandwiches, the caprese. Although at Cosi they call it the BMT (basil, mozzarella and tomato). The flatbread was crispy on the outside and flavorful. The tomatoes were actually decent, as were the B and the M. I'll go back there.

I've never been there before

2009-07-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've decided to keep the lunch week theme going, but this time I'll use a geographic, rather than food-type basis. It's easy to get stuck in a rut or routine when foraging for sustenance in this vast mountain-range of skyscrapers. So I got it in my head that I should focus on places where I've never eaten before.

First stop: Sushi Dynasty

For the first day of the new theme, I stopped at the first place I've never been to. I walked past Taco Bell, Cousins subs, Royal Orchid, a Subway (a chain which I've likened to violent ass-rape in a past post), Taco John's, Zen Box, Potbelly, and Allie's Deli before I saw this hole-in-the-wall instant sushi place.

I got a couple combos, checking closely to make sure they actually contained at least some raw fish. You have to be careful that someone isn't sneaking smoked salmon into their rolls and making them look like tuna. I'm sorry but getting smoked salmon in a roll when you expect tuna is like a kick in the taint. After the pain goes away, you're just angry.

Luckily there was raw tuna in these rolls, but unlike my favorite skyway sushi joint Tensuke (now Sushi-Do), they mince the fish. Which I think is a blatant attempt to hide poorer quality tuna. No, I don't think they're trying to poison people (most sushi tuna is frozen before it gets here anyway, killing the potential nasty bits), but part of the appeal of sushi is the presentation. And minced fish in a spicy tuna roll, doesn't look good.

I also had some eel rolls and california rolls (they help fill me up). Both left me going, "meh."

Meatless Lunch Week: Last Day

2009-07-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

Work gets in the way of lunch sometimes. That was the case on Friday. I was rushing around town covering an Obama cabinet official's visit to Minneapolis and couldn't grab lunch until after 2 p.m.

Lucky for me Torby's Pizza lowers the price of their slices after 2 p.m. I was able to grab a slice of veggie and a slice of cheese for just more that 5 bones with tax.

Torby's is decent pizza. Although sometimes, especially after 2 p.m., the pizza you get looks like it should be placed in a 'factory seconds' bin. There's been a few occasions where I've gotten back to the office and just as I'm about to shove the slice into my mouth, I notice that parts of the crust have been charred beyond recognition. A more disciplined person would just walk back to the joint and ask for a new piece. I'm usually too hungry and just shave off as much of the edible upper layer of the crust as I can.

A hamster in the lentils

2009-07-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

heh, heh, heh, CLASSIC

Meatless Lunch Day 4

2009-07-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Curried lentil soup w/ whole wheat baguette

from Au bon pain

There are three or four of these joints near me downtown. I frequent them more often during soup season (winter). But there are times during the summer when I have to grab a bowl of the curried lentil soup. It's their best liquid food offering and I really like it. Some of their soups taste like paste, so you really need to doctor them up with lots of salt, pepper or sriracha. This soup actually has flavor and usually only needs a splash of hot sauce to complete it. The medium bowl and bread is only $5.17. The baguettes are usually pretty fresh and tasty.

Meatless lunch day 3

2009-07-08T12:43:00.001-07:00

This is the veggie curry, with a side of steamed veg from Zen Box. It is probably the best curry I've had outside Namaste Cafe. It's a hearty and elegant curry; well-seasoned and smooth. And it's filling. Sometimes, I don't finish the whole bowl. However, you know how it goes, an hour or two later, I'm hungry again.

If you can't go all the way veg with this one, they do offer the curry with a deep-fried, cheese filled pork chop on top. I'm not lying.

It's vegetarian, but not exactly health food

2009-07-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

King size falafel w/fries from Falafel King

You can pat yourself on the back after eating this meal because it doesn't require the death of an animal. But don't fool yourself into thinking this is some kind of health food. There's deep-frying involved in this dish. The lovely balls of herbed bean paste are cooked crispy in a fryolater. You can get this dish with a side of rice instead of french fries, but don't bother. I've given up on it. The rice is so bland and overcooked, you'd get better flavor from grated styrofoam.

When the falafel are fresh, they are devine. But when they've sat a while in the steam table, they are cold, dense and mealy.

Robert Strange McNamara...

2009-07-06T13:43:00.000-07:00

...was a complex man. He had some mighty big regrets in his day, especially escalating the Vietnam war. A few years ago I watched this documentary "Fog of War" in which the former Secretary of Defense recalls some of the big events of his long life. For me, the above clip from the movie stood out the most. In it, McNamara explains how the U.S. backed down from the brink of nuclear war with the Soviets by understanding our 'enemy.' The Soviet leader at the time was Nikita Kruschev. As you listen to what they say about him, imagine if Kruschev was Saddam Hussein.

Sadly the same advice given to Pres. Kennedy was not given to Pres. (W)Bush. Or, maybe Bush wouldn't have followed it. Yeah, he probably wouldn't have.

Meatless lunch week

2009-07-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

It's lunch time again. And I can still feel last night's spicy meatball sub trundling through my colon. So I thought it might be appropriate to dedicate this week's adventure in lunch blogging to those dishes that are meatless. And yes, fish and seafood are included.

I'm not giving up on meat. However, Mecca and Michael Pollan have convinced me to limit my meat consumption and to eat only naturally raised and humanely slaughtered animals. And I've already taken that to heart and stomach. It is clearly more than just a health decision. There are moral and environmental factors involved which I will not go into detail on.

I regularly eat two to three meatless lunches per week. When I do eat meat for lunch it's usually meat-lite. I opt for turkey sandwiches, a slice of pepperoni pizza (i even pick off some of the pepperoni because some places just put too many on), a Chipotle burrito with chicken or the weekly sushi splurge. On a rare occasion I'll get something more meat heavy like a gyro from Falafel King.

For the first day of meatless lunch week, I chose a favorite.

Yellow curry with tofu and white rice (pictured above).

When they see me approach the steam tables, the identical twins who run the Royal Orchid in the skyway say, "the usual for you today?"

This is a substantial meal. I often can't finish it. The yellow curry is creamy. The hunks of skin-on potatoes and stewed carrots are weighty. You have to cut them with a knife. The tofu pieces are meaty and hold the flavor of the sauce. Royal Orchid also serves a side of steamed carrots, cabbage and broccoli on the side. Thankfully, the veg is nice and firm, not overcooked. I top it all off with a few squirts of sriracha chili sauce.

You may be wondering about the combination of white rice and potatoes. 'Aren't refined carbohydrates and starches evil?' Well, asian cultures have been eating white rice and potatoes for thousands of years without their folks keeling over from diabetes. I'm no nutritionist, but I suspect that white rice and potatoes combined with fat - like from animals - is more responsible for obesity, than just the carbs and starches with vegetables.

But really, I eat this dish once a week because it just tastes good.

You're lucky to be an American, act like it

2009-07-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was lounging poolside with my friends Kim and Eric out at their Bloomington estate. As I sipped my 'beer-garita' and dipped my toes in the cool water, I reflected on my good fortune. A lot of acts of man and nature, good and evil and just plain friggin' chance got me to where I am today.

As an African American, obviously, some of my ancestors were brought here against their will. The Atlantic slave trade was one of the greatest evils committed by humans. But I have to look at the odds. My people could have easily been among the scores of millions of Africans who lost their lives.

Had my people stayed in west Africa, they could have perished in civil wars or died from a very curable disease - and I would have never made it here. Lets be real. America has not been the most hospitable place for African Americans. But considering the state of most African countries right now, I'd much rather live here than in the Motherland.

Face it if you're a natural citizen, you're here because a parent or some other ancestor came here. There are other cool countries out there, for sure. And on those days when I write out a big check to Fairview Hospitals, I yearn to live somewhere with single payer or (i'll say it) socialized medicine. But for a lot of reasons, if you were born here, you're in the top 98th percentile of good places to live. Really. You kinda won the lottery.

Unfortunately, too many of us natural citizens act like we had something to do with this. And we're proud of it.

Personally, I feel more lucky to be an American than I am proud. I really think there's too much pride in America right now. And it's lead to some pretty shitty behaviors, ie: invading Iraq, torturing suspected terrorists, and so forth.

So on this Fourth of July, think of how fortunate you are to be an American. Maybe we'd be doing a little better if more Americans started acting like they've been given a gift, instead of an entitlement.

OK, I'm getting off the soapbox and back on the couch now.

Happy Fourth of July everybody....

Turkey Sandwich Week Day 4

2009-07-02T12:30:00.001-07:00

Thursday: Brothers Deli

This is the turkey melt from Brothers Deli. If you other so-called turkey sandwiches can hear my voice, take note. Here's what you should know. This sandwich is absolutely delightful. It is polite and thoughtful and I'm sure if it had a mother it would call it everyday.

The turkey is thickly sliced like it was carved off the bird. The dark rye bread (you should try this bread) is lightly toasted. The cheese, perfectly melted. The tomatoes taste like they're supposed to be there and are not an afterthought. And, they top it all off with a zesty, tasty mayo-like sauce.

Mozeltoff!

Sandwich week - Day Three

2009-07-01T10:58:00.001-07:00

Wednesday - Twin Cities Bites

These folks run an independent sandwich joint in the Northstar building just downstairs from a Subway. To me Subway is to sandwiches what violent ass-rape is to sex. They've turned what should be a pleasant experience into something worse than vomiting blood from your eye sockets.

Anyway, I wanted to give these folks a try. Independent sandwich shops are the first line of defense against the invading hoardes of chains which sell failure to people and call it food. You're looking at a 6" smoked turkey sub on wheat with mustardmayolettucetomato AND pepper jack cheese. It tasted as bland as a hotel lobby oil painting. But, I'll still go back there and try some of their other stuff. However, I'll have to bring some hot sauce.

Sandwich week day two

2009-07-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

Tuesday: Potbelly Sandwiches

I've been going to this place in the skyways for a while. There's actually two nearby. And I keep going back because they make a good turkey sandwich. The key? They toast them bitches.

Yep. That's the key right there. Heat. It adds flavor and texture to an otherwise bland, mushy affair.

Normally, I'm not a fan of places that ask you what you want on your sandwich. I'm like, 'you're making the sandwich. Do your job and make my lunch.' And even though Potbelly does that, I've learned a simple rhyme that keeps me from doting over all the friggin' choices. It goes like this, "mustard, mayo, lettuce, tomato." It kinda rhymes and it's easy for me and the sandwich maker to remember. Now, they do have hot peppers. And they taste good. But they put pickled carrots in the mix and they're too damn hard and crunchy. Fucks up the whole gestalt of the grinder.

I usually get the regular size sandwich, but today I needed the big one. Only a buck more. And so far, it is the best turkey sandwich in town. But I've got three more days to go.

erk.

Turkey sandwich week starts today

2009-06-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

To me, the turkey sandwich is the vanilla ice cream or the off white paint of the sandwich world. Turkey breast doesn't have much flavor of its own, so it's only as good as its supporting cast when placed between two slices of bread.

I usually wind up ordering a turkey sandwich - and I hate to admit it -- because it's lower in fat and calories than ham or roast beef. I don't like to fill up at lunch. I get logey around 2:00 p.m.
On a whim I decided to dedicate this week to the turkey sandwich.

Monday

Erbert & Gerbert's subs and clubs -- Skyway 800 LaSalle.

I've walked past this place many times during my semi-frequent 2 p.m. walks (it keeps me awake on slow days) but have never tried their food.

I decided on a turkey sandwich called "Girf." A closer look at the menu shows other colorful sandwich names such as Narmer, Tullius and Bornk. I dig that. Anywho, the Girf ($5.84) contains turkey, ham, provolone, tomato, lettuce and mayo. After ordering I noticed there were a few extras, like sweet peppers, which I could have added to the sandwich to brighten it up a bit.

I probably should have. The sandwich cried out for brown, spicy mustard or the peppers. Ham is usually a nice partner for turkey because it's a little saltier. But this ham fell down on the job. And the turkey was just too subservient for me. Despite it's traditional passive aggressiveness, turkey can be assertive - I've tasted it happen before.

On the bright side, the wheat sub bread was substantial and chewy. So it had that going for it.

I'll give them another try. I'm curious for a Bornk.

BWCA 09 - Tuscarora Throwdown

2009-06-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the video:

Smitten...

2009-06-07T07:10:00.001-07:00

Sure, I could gas on about scientific theories about how baby humans emit magical pheromones, sounds and visual cues that compel adult humans to feed and care for them. That our survival as a species would not have been possible without some sort of chemical bond between infant and adult, is extremely fascinating.

But when it comes down to it, babies are too just dang cute to ignore.

Of course, once they get older and smellier and start to talk shit about you...that's another thing. But for now, my niece Chela is a perfect being. She eats, sleeps and excretes bodily functions. Her carbon footprint is relatively miniscule. She doesn't owe any money. And she's never done an unkind thing to anybody.

Perfect.

Your 15 minutes is up, please, please get off the stage

2009-04-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

1. Sarah Palin
2. Rod Blagojevich
3. "Tea Baggers"
4. Dick Cheney

you go now. you been here four hour!

Rich, white dopes on rap

2009-04-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

Very funny.

The view from up top

2009-04-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Looking out from the 50th floor of the IDS you can see the Target Center and Target Field taking shape.

And, by the way, if this photo gives you a little bit of vertigo - then don't see Wild California at the Science Museum's Omnitheater. I dug it. But there were definitely more than a few 'quease-inducing moments.'

Here's a bit of a mind-blower

2009-04-02T08:41:00.001-07:00

If you try to wrap your head around the thought expressed here, you may catch a hernia in your amygdala, or blow out your frontal lobe. So use caution, please:

"[I]f all order, without exception, requires a designer, then God, too, requires a designer. If God were the intelligent designer of the universe, God would have to be even more perfectly ordered than the universe. But if God were even more perfectly ordered than the universe, and God could exist without an external designer, then why not the universe?"

Daniel Kolak and Raymond Martin, Wisdom Without Answers, (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 1998), p. 40

(ow, I think I just came down with a subdural hematoma...)

You greedy, greedy bastards

2009-03-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

I wouldn’t know a ‘credit default swap’ if it kicked me in my lovely, brown nuts. But I do know greed when I see it. And the more I learn about this country’s economic woes, and the more I learn about how our economy runs, the more I realize how much our financial health depends on a culture created by a bunch of insufferably greedy bastards.

First off, I’ve learned that our financial system is an elaborate house of cards. No. Wait. Cards are much too sturdy and tangible. Our system is more like a house built from a delicate, gossamer thread, spun by invisible fairies. In other words it’s a system built on wishful thinking, speculation, confidence, gut feelings and the opinions of others here and in other parts of the world. Wall Street is like a house which is only as strong as the people inside it think it is. Does that make sense? And the strength of the house changes from day to day depending on how confident Wall Street thinks it is.

To continue with the house metaphor – apparently a few years ago bankers and other capitalists decided that the mansion needed a new wing. Perhaps they wanted somewhere to put the new 102” plasma screen HDTV. So they created a new way to make profit.

Please admit the following simplification of the situation:

It was the turn of the new millennium and home values were booming. People were flipping properties and making profits by the basketloads. Greedy bastard mortgage loan officers made sales pitches worthy of used car hucksters on late night television commercials. “Bad credit, no credit? No problem!”

They offered loans for little or no money down, with no income verification. Granted there were greedy bastard homebuyers who bought 4,000 sq. ft. mcMansions they knew they couldn’t afford. But greedy bastard homebuyers were reinforced in their greed by greedy experts who told them, housing values ALWAYS increase. They don’t go down. So don’t worry about your adjustable rate loan. Don’t worry that you’ve got a $250,000 home with a household income of $80,000. In a few years, you’ll be able to turn around and sell that baby for a million dollars.

Enter the greedy bastard bankers who saw the potential for profit on these loans. The loans were turned into things called ‘mortgage backed securities.’ Again, I wouldn’t know an asset-backed security if it punched my grandmother in the throat, but apparently, if you’re holding someone else’s loan, you’re making money on the interest the borrower is paying. And if you’re holding 10,000 loans, especially sub-prime loans where the interest rates are 10, 12 even 15%, well, my friend you stand to make a shitload of money.

But, it doesn’t take a financial whiz to figure out that the loans won’t be worth the paper they’re printed on if the borrowers can’t pay them back. And that’s what started happening. People began defaulting on their loans, left and right. Unfortunately, some of the world’s biggest financial institutions like Lehman Bros. and Bear Stearns were holding billions of dollars in this bad paper. Worse than that, it turns out that one of the world’s largest insurance companies – AIG – was insuring those risky investments for the big financial institutions. These are the aforementioned ‘credit default swaps.’

So I’m asking myself, how did all these smart people, who already knew how to make millions of dollars get caught in a shitstorm without an umbrella? Seems to me, the millions weren’t enough. They wanted billions. And they didn’t like the rules which kept them from getting there like the Glass-Steagall act passed during the Great Depression (doy). 10 years ago Sen. Byron Dorgan predicted massive bailouts of the industry following the passing of the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act which allowed big financial institutions to merge into mega-financial institutions:

You should read more about this – this is fascinating:

(You know who else voted against G-L-B? Paul Wellstone – bless his soul.)

My very good Libertarian friend Eric is fond of a saying that goes something like, ‘A government that is big enough to give you everything can also take it away.’

Well, I think Americans should be equally – no much, much more suspicious of big banks and big business. Unlike most of the government which is actually, pretty transparent, big banks and financial corporations don’t have to tell you what they’re doing unless they’re a public company and you’re a stockholder.

As this latest episode shows, financial institutions that are ‘too big to fail’ are just plain TOO BIG. And that’s because too many people are just too damn greedy to be trusted.

Evil gets old

2009-03-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

I was struck by this photo when I came across it on CNN's website. This is Charles Manson at 74. This is the face of evil -- or should I say, 'insane evil' -- in old age. Clearly the man is going to die in prison, and rightfully so. I guess this is exactly why I'm against the death penalty. I believe life imprisonment is worse than death. Had the state of California executed Manson when he was a dark-haired, crazy-eyed icon, it would have made it easier for people to glorify him.

Despite his horrific crimes, Manson is not a demon. Demons don't get gray hair, calcium deficiencies, prostate cancer or dementia. Humans do.

Farewell, sweet Boo

2009-03-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

Me and the Boo got off to a bumpy start.

At the time I picked her out of the lineup at the Animal Humane Society, I was a barely 30-ish bachelor. I was at a point in my life where I felt like I was missing something. I realized I wasn't very good at relationships with women. I'd gone through a couple uncomfortable break-ups in the past few years, including one with a live-in girlfriend. For some this may be considered a 'come to Jesus moment.' But since that route didn't and doesn't appeal to me, I decided I wanted a cat.

I fell for the Boo - actually, her previous owners called her 'Smudge' which I thought was kind of slur for a black cat, you dig? Boo, fit much better. At times I called her Boo-trous, Boo-trous kitty and the Boo-dah, partially because she weighed in at 18 lbs.

The day after I brought her home, she picked up an upper respiratory infection. Which meant I had to go through the painful motion of packing her back in the box she'd been rescued with and bring her to the vet. It broke my heart, because to her it must have seemed like she was going back to Death Row.

The vets gave me antibiotic pills to give the Boo. "Just pry her mouth open and drop it in. And rub her throat to make sure it goes down," they told me. That proved to be much easier said than done. She fought like a beast as I tried to hold her still and get my fingers into her mouth. She growled, scratched and cursed at me. And she made me cry. I couldn't do it. I was going to fail this little animal.

I had to call a friend over to come help me wrestle down the Boo the first couple times. Finally, I figured out how to immobilize her by wrapping her up in a blanket up to her neck - 'kitty burrito' style. It was still tough, but my will triumphed.

The Boo was with me through my ups and downs. She liked to sleep with me on the couch in front of the TV. If you looked at her and said, "Hey Boo." She'd chirp back at you. The Boo also loved to eat. Like a dog, she'd snatch food off your plate if you weren't looking.

In her last year of life, the Boo caught a bout of hyperthyroid, cancer and kidney failure. Once again, I had to fight with her in order to save her life. There were pills, and chemotherapy for the cancer and the kidney failure. The hyperthyroid caused her to lose weight rapidly.

Despite all this, she was still the Boo. She still wouldn't let you sit down with a plate food without trying climb up on you to investigate it. She'd still chirp at you, although not as frequently. And she was still not fond of being medicated. Because she'd become so dehydrated, the vets gave us a bag of fluids and a set of needles which we used to inject water under her skin. And even though by this time she had withered down to about 5 lbs., she still fought us.

On her last night, the Boo was too tired to fight. Sensing that the inevitable was coming very soon, Mecca wrapped her up in towels and stayed up with her much of the night. In the morning, I held her as she took her last breaths.

I'm still deeply sad about losing the Boo. But I'm also relieved that she's no longer sick. And I'm relieved that she died at home in familiar surroundings, with the people who cared for her the most.

Watch this movie

2009-03-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

I'm always fascinated by people who were apparently born knowing what they wanted to do and be. And that's the case with Phillippe Petit. The filmmakers of Man on Wire brilliantly juxtapose images of the construction of the Twin Towers and pictures of Petit's childhood. He was apparently a little impish French monkey, always climbing things and performing tricks. And everybody around him knew it and apparently accepted it. I won't give away too much of the documentary - although - obviously, the main character lives. But it is as much a story about Petit's accomplices in his 1974 trans-Tower wire walk as it is about him. What would you do if your best friend told you that the most important goal in his life was to string a wire between two tall buildings and walk across it? Would you help him? Knowing that he could die? And that you could also face harsh legal consequences?

The other really fascinating thing about Petit's clandestine plan was that he and his friends didn't get busted before they could pull it off. Amazing. The documentary mixes a series of reenactments with actual footage. Of course, watching Petit walking 476 meters above the streets of New York is breathtaking. Especially considering he walked across 8 times and was on the wire for 45 minutes.

Walking down musical memory road

2009-03-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've started making a list of the 15 records that have had the most impact on my life and why. It's been so much fun, that the list has expanded to 20 and is still growing.

The list includes several moments where a piece of music hit me like a sledgehammer and made me rethink what I thought I knew about being a guitar player.

Here's an excerpt:

No. 5 -- Eat ‘Em and Smile – David Lee Roth

To this point, I’d thought Eddie Van Halen was the greatest guitar player EVER. And being that this was Roth's first solo effort since leaving Van Halen, I was anxious to hear what kind of guitar player Roth would recruit to – let’s face it, replace Eddie. I was skeptical. I mean, Eddie was my guy, right? He was like the tough kid in the neighborhood who the other guys feared and admired at the same time - partially because you thought no one could beat him.

I wanted to hear what this new dude -- this Steve Vai -- could do. I bought Eat Em and Smile at the Musicland in Southdale and put the tape in my Walkman. I’d heard the first track, “Yankee Rose,” and while the song was cool, I wasn’t blown away. I was walking home to the Edina Towers and was just crossing 66th on to Barrie Road when the second track came on, “Shy Boy.” I stopped in my tracks in the middle of the street and my jaw dropped. I kid you not. I laughed out loud. I couldn't get my teenage guitar player head around what I was hearing. Then I listened even more carefully and discovered that the bass player -- Billy Sheehan -- was matching Vai, lick by lightning-fast lick.

"That's not fair," I thought. "Bass players are NOT supposed to do this. God, I suck." But as tempted as I was to put the guitar down after hearing this, I soon discovered that Vai was much more than a shredder. The song "Big Trouble" is a slinky vamp that contains perhaps the most perfect guitar solo ever created. "Ladies Night in Buffalo" is also kinda groovy. And Vai's riffs in "Goin' Crazy" was a tip of his hat to Eddie Van Halen. And while I knew I couldn't reproduce what Vai was playing, I just learned to enjoy listening to his music - just for the sheer pleasure of it.

From there I listened to other Vai classics as Flex-Able Leftovers, Passion and Warfare and Alien Love Secrets. And I listen to these in the same way classical music lovers listen to Mozart or Mahler. Vai is a brilliant soloist, but an even greater composer.

Zen and Mondays

2009-03-04T09:44:00.000-08:00

Here's the scene: It's Monday morning and I'm in the elevator as three more cube jockeys trundle in and watch the door close. The three apparently work on the same floor, so they recognize each other. As the elevator lurches upward, one of the heavy set office ladies wearing a full length down coat which smells like a recently burned cigarette, turns to the other similarly dressed woman and says, 'Well, is it Friday yet?'

They share a giggle and lament about the beginning of the week. In my short journey to the 6th floor, I listen quietly as the women proceed to blame all the world's ills on Mondays. Apparently their souls have been crushed by the first day of the week.

I'll preface my rant with this: I'm lucky to have a job that on most days doesn't make me sick. It really is a boost to my personal constitution. But, 'Gah,' life doesn't only happen on Saturday and Sunday. Do shit Monday through Thursday. Do happy hours with your friends or co-workers, go bowling on Tuesday nights, get a hobby, learn how to speak Yiddish -- anything.

Pretty soon, your weeks will get shorter.

You know what? I betcha I've written this rant before. I think columnist and local hipster zen guru Jim Walsh sums it up best in the latest issue of the Downtown Journal.

His take is broader than mine. Walsh says Americans, in particular are "born to run and so unsatisfied and constantly striving for more, bigger, better freedoms." It sounds to me like we're pursuing this happiness horizon which never comes -- it's always just out of reach. And that reminds me of the office ladies and millions of others who are 'working for the weekend.' They are the people I stand next to on the elevator everyday.

To be honest, I'm not much different. I try to 'be in the moment' and appreciate the little things and to be comfortable in silence and stillness. I think I'm better at it than I used to be. But it's hard. There are still moments of my day that I'm not trying to 'be in' and appreciate. Take flossing. I look forward to being done with flossing my teeth, because then I know I can go to sleep and feel a bit better about myself for having struck a blow against placque.

I'll keep trying.

I'm not saying these folks are in a cult...

2009-02-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

I was walking through the skyway over 7th street this morning and saw a woman walking toward me who looked like she had some kind of smudge of dirt on her forehead. I was like, 'oh, how embarrassing, her pen must have exploded in her purse and then she smacked her head in frustration thus leaving a mark.' Then I noticed she was walking with a dude who was looking at her as he talked to her, and I'm thinking, 'why doesn't he tell her she's got schmutz on her punum?'

As I approached Cousin's Subs I noticed three more people with smudges right in the middle of their foreheads. Then, it hit me. It's Ash Wednesday. Which means the Easter bunny is busy hatching his eggs in preparation for his big day.

Here's what Wikipedia has to say about the actual meaning of the day:

"Ash Wednesday gets its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads of the faithful as a sign of repentance. The ashes used are gathered after the Palm Crosses from the previous year's Palm Sunday are burned."

So they make crosses out of palms and then burn them - burn crosses - and then rub the ashes on their heads in the sign of the torture instrument used to kill people back in the day.

I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'.

Bad hair day

2009-02-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling kinda like this little dude today. I need a haircut. Normally, I'd just zip over to Eddie's Barbershop. But a few months ago, the shop looks like it experienced some kind of fire. Now, considering the somewhat shady history of the shop as a place to make illegal bets on sporting events as well as get haircuts, I would not be surprised if the cause of the fire was not accidental.

In the meantime, I feel compelled to hang upside down from a tree branch and pick tasty grubs out the bark. mmmm...

My solution to the mid afternoon doldrums

2009-02-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

If you walk the skyways of downtown Minneapolis at around 2:30 in the afternoon, you'll see a wave of cubicle dwellers stretching their legs carrying cups of coffee. It's the choice of many to cure afternoon sleepiness. Lucky for me, I work alone. So, I can actually lay down on the floor and close my eyes for a few.

But, sometimes I opt for a little musical pick-me-up on youtube. Lately, it's been this one.

Hail Satan, kiddies.

Toilet stories, part 1

2009-02-23T09:55:00.001-08:00

(warning: this blog post contains kind of graphic references to pooping)

Every morning, after the caffeine does its thing and I'm on my way to the bathroom to do my thing, I say something like this to the toilet god:

'Please, just a few minutes of solitude while I purge my guts of the evil within. Amen.'

Six out of ten times, this works. I'm in - I drop a deuce - and whoosh - I'm out. My guts won't work properly with others in the bathroom. They're shy. Especially, when someone is parked in the stall right next door.

Last week my solace was breached when what sounded to be a silverback gorilla entered the next stall. And apparently this beast had eaten and was trying to pass a handgrenade. A series of guttural grunts and groans were quickly followed by several loud explosions and splashes. I aborted my mission and hastily exited before the inevitable olfactory fallout contaminated the room.

I waited an hour to retry the mission -- just to make sure the odor and the coast was clear. At first, the mission was a go. And by this time, the guts were beginning to get angry. But before the soldiers could deploy, there was a revisit by if not the same gorilla, another who'd eaten at the same munitions dump.

Throughout the day, I had two more failed missions before success.

My kingdom for a private loo...

Hey, snow

2009-02-21T09:22:00.000-08:00

Ah, nature's way of doing a half-assed clean up job. Instead of melting away all that nasty, brown, crusty ice and sand and filth, she just covers it up with a pretty, white blanket.

Nice job, nature. No, really. I think it looks nice.

Sandwiches I have loved

2009-02-16T17:31:00.000-08:00

Oh, sandwiches I have loved. I miss you. From the tasty muffaletta in New Orleans, to my latest love, the Mort's Reuben, you've passed through my intestines, but you're still very much alive in my heart. (Well, I probably still have some corned beef in there somewhere)...

Stuff white people like...

2009-02-15T10:12:00.000-08:00

The Medicine Lake Art Shanty is like a cross between ice fishing and an arts crawl. On Saturday - Valentine's Day -- me and the Mrs. joined the crowed of cold-ass, (white) hipsters skooching carefully across the ice to keep from falling.

We managed to stay upright, while we visited just about every shanty on the lake. The shanties are like ice houses full of displays or activities or performances. The 'Dance Shanty' was bumpin Beyonce. The Word Shanty was full of old books. But the best was the 'Sauna Shanty.'

Very, warm.

Christmas comes late

2009-01-11T09:50:00.001-08:00

My folks sent a package full of Xmas presents about 4 or 5 days before Xmas. But come the big day, nothing. So, I started thinking that somebody may have stolen our box of goods from the lobby of our building. I mean, what kind of a friggin' Grinch takes someone's package?

So then, I find out my dad sent the box to the wrong address. He had the street name right, but the numbers were off. Then I'm thinking, what kind of jerk takes a box of stuff that's obviously sent to the wrong spot and keeps it?

My faith in humanity has been pretty wobbly for a while and this wasn't helping. My dad even sent a letter to that same wrong address, asking them to put a note on it for the postman to take it back. If that didn't work, I was considering driving by there and asking the folks, 'where's my box?'

It's not that I'm so hyped up about getting more stuff. I really have most of the stuff I want or need. But my parents were crushed at the notion that the presents they sent would not get to us. We've been living apart for going on 19 years now. And we rarely spend Christmastime together anymore. So I know, they're just sweaters and gift certificates and maybe an occasional kitchen gadget, but as the saying goes, 'it's the thought that counts.'

There's a happy ending to the story. The people at the wrong address made sure the box got back to Denver and my folks sent it back this time by registered mail - just to make sure. I picked the box up from the post office yesterday.

So this year - I don't care if it's here or in Denver, I want to see my folks for Xmas.

L-O-S-E-R

2009-01-05T09:34:00.000-08:00

Nothing like the feeling you get the day after your football team loses a winable home playoff game. It's 2 below zero. The car reluctantly starts. It's the first full week after the holidays. Which means no day off this week. And as you sit on the frozen seat, waiting for the heater to clear a spot on your frozen windshield, you ponder your feelings. Why in the hell do you care? Why in the hell do you hope next season will be better?

ugh.

Angus throws a wobbly

2009-01-04T13:09:00.000-08:00

I met my little godson Angus today. And I'd say we hit it off pretty well. He slept most of the time. He was likely exhausted from all the brain-learning through osmosis which newborns are supposed to be doing. I think his parents, Liz and Bill (pictured) were a bit worn out too. Angus, like most new humans - male or female - slightly resembles actor Burt Young. Well, at least a little bit.

Like I said, me and the boy hit it off well, until he got cranky. And here's what he had to say:

New Year's resolutions for 09

2009-01-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

#1 - Keep up with blog

2 - Read a book per month. By the way, I highly recommend "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. It's non-fiction. Gladwell looks at successful and not so successful people and explores the circumstances around their situations. He makes a compelling case to show there are no 'self-made' people. We're all molded by forces we can't control. For better or worse.

Right now, I'm getting ready to read some fiction. I heard "Midnight's Children" by Salman Rushdie is pretty good.

3. Be with my family at Christmas time. At least. I miss them too much.

4. Ride the bicycle more this year.

5. Take more pictures. I've got a Flickr Pro account and enough flash memory in my camera to hold several hundred pictures. Why not?

6. Make a bunch of raviolis and freeze them.

7. My biceps could be a little bigger...

8. And I should keep up with the blog more...Did I say that already?

What a night

2008-11-07T09:09:00.000-08:00

I watched the election returns with a group of black civil rights activists, some of whom had been working in 'the struggle' for longer than I have been alive. I still don't have words to describe the jubilation in the room. I teared up a bit as Matt Little, 87, a man who led the Minnesota delegation of the NAACP to the March on Washington in 1963, grabbed my arms and told me that at this moment he felt like his life's work was nearly complete.

People in the room immediately grabbed their cell phones to call or receive calls from loved ones. Tears rolled down their cheeks. People were hugging and shouting, 'we did it!' I was struck by an image on CNN in the background of a group of Kenyans, in Kenya, celebrating Obama's win. I got the sense that the whole world was on Cloud Nine.

I left the site of the party and headed back downtown to the office to file a story. In the car, I listened to John McCain's concession speech. I got choked up as he so gracefully offered his congratulations to his opponent - but also his condolences to Obama over the loss of his beloved grandmother. I can't imagine the mix of emotions going through the president-elect's head over this. The woman who played such an integral role in his ascendency died just hours before he made history.

I got into the office just in time to see Obama's acceptance speech in Chicago. His address was perfect. It set the right tone and completely captured the moment. Then they turned the cameras on the crowd and focused on Jesse Jackson. He wasn't just teary eyed - he was crying. I got chills and my eyes welled.

I finally finished my story and got home around 3 a.m. I had to watch some more election coverage before I could sleep. I asked Mecca, 'when was the last time so many Americans felt so much joy about the selection of a president?' I can't remember in my lifetime. People who voted against Obama just don't get it. Obama's transformative appeal is not about some 'cult of personality' or 'celebrity.' He has struck a legitimate nerve in people all over the world.
And yes, I too, have had my faith in this country restored. But Obama's got a lot of work to do now to rally the rest of the troops. There will no doubt be pockets of this country that will push back and you will probably hear some white folks say, 'he's not my president.' I hope this period doesn't last long. We can't afford that.

41 today

2008-09-26T08:33:00.001-07:00

This year's celebration is definitely a little more low-key than last year, when I went to Houston and bought a new computer.

41 is - well - ho hum.

I had drinks with my buddy Eric the other day, (he's 45) and he told me, "you can't be 41. You have to be in your 30s." Like it would make him feel younger.

Yesterday, my doc called me and told me these words, "The results from your blood tests are in." I froze.

"They're normal," she said. "Except you have really low levels of Vitamin D."

I'd gone in earlier in the week because of pains in my wrists and arms. I also had some blurry vision in one eye for a short spell last week. I'm not a hypochondriac - but at 41, I'm not taking any chances. I don't want to be the one, after they get diagnosed with eyeball cancer, saying, 'Well, if I had only told the doctor earlier, they could have caught it in time..."

Not me. If I feel pain in a part of my body for more than 12 hours, that I didn't bump into a kitchen counter or fall on, I'm going to the doctor.

Anywho. I'm taking the vitamin D supplement and reading articles about what vitamin D deficiency can do to a person. Apparently, it can lead to all kinds of nasty things, like cancer - but it also can make your joints ache and give you rickets.

But I'm not one of those people who dreads having a birthday. I love birthdays and I plan on having a great time today. I'm going to try and fill the day with stuff I like to do, like napping, power-napping and watching tv. On tap for tonight: a rare steak, some 12-year old scotch and shagging the love of my life.

happy birthday to me.

Crossing the new 35W bridge

2008-09-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Crossed the new bridge at 6:15 a.m. 9/18/08

Football picks

2008-09-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

Although I watch football, I'm no expert. So if I were you, I wouldn't bet any cash based on my prognostications. Winners in bold.

Tennesse -- 20 @ Cincinnati - 14

Buffalo -13 @ Jacksonville - 27

Oakland - 3 @ KC -- 17

Chicago - 13 @ Carolina - 10

Green Bay - 13 @ Detroit - 16

NY Giants - 20 @ St. Louis - 6

New Orleans - 17 @ Washington - 23

Atlanta - 30 @ Tampa Bay - 17

San Fran - 14 @ Seattle - 24

New England - 31 @ NY Jets 38

San Diego - 12 @ Denver - 26

Miami - 14 @ Arizona - 17

Pittsburgh - 28 @ Cleveland - 27

Baltimore - 13 @ Houston - 14

Philadelphia - 34 @ Dallas - 37

AND

Indy - 28 @ Minnesota - 13

@#$!$%! I hate football

2008-09-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

Woke up with a dark cloud over my head. And the voice in my head has been grumbling this all morning:

"Goddamn Vikings... Hate Packers...what the hell? So mad at Tavaris Jackson...bad throw, bad call @#@@$! Sweet Jesus on a Segway, what were you thinking??!! grumble, grumble, need coffee."

Then I turn on the radio in the car to listen to like-minded fans grumble on the AM sports talk radio.

Says one of the dudes on KFAN: "The Vikings give me a stomach ache, ouch! Where's the Pepto?" Then he launches into a list of reasons why his life would be easier if he were a Packer fan. Word.

It's gonna be a long season...

God, I love football

2008-09-08T11:02:00.001-07:00

I'm not a joiner. I'm not a gang-member. I'm not a religious zealot. But I AM a football fan, which I guess slightly contradicts my former assertions.

So that means today is one of my favorite days of the year. It's the first day of the football season for my favorite team and I'm hopeful. Although, as a lifelong Vikes fan, I've learned to temper my optimism with the reality that EVERY friggin' year, this team ultimately disappoints its fans.

Be that as it may, I've predicted that the Vikes will go 9-7 this year and finish behind the Chicago Bears - who looked pretty dominant against the Colts last night. Detroit is still dismal. The Packers are Favre-less. So the Vikings will do what they do best, show flashes of promise with an exciting running back - Adrian Peterson - who make the ESPN highlight reels many times this year. And their defense will keep the score in many games close. But, I have to go with history: 9-7.

Back to the grind

2008-08-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

After a week of chilling out, having hot dates with my wife, eating great food and sleeping in until 10 a.m. every morning, here I am, back at the office.

Holy gyoza! part deux

2008-08-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

yum.

Holy gyoza! B's big potsticker project

2008-08-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

I'm taking advantage of my time off from work this week to do a few things that I've always wanted to do but just haven't had time. For instance, I decided to try to get rid of some of the drops of dried candle wax spread about on the kitchen floor. So, I squatted down with a lighter and a piece of paper towel to melt them away. But that got old quick, so I decided to make a big batch of potstickers.

After a failed attempt at grinding my own chicken (it was ugly), I decided to go to a professional and get some ground pork. Once I got all my ingredients, I started with this:

Rum and pineapple soda -- this actually goes into the cook, not the food.

Now, for the 'solid' ingredients:

Looks almost good enough to eat raw: ground pork, grated ginger, crushed garlic, chopped scallions, shredded napa cabbage, salt, pepper and a little Chinese five spice powder. I salted the cabbage and squeezed out some of the liquid before I mixed it with the rest of the ingredients in the food processor.

I brushed a little water around the edges of the wontons and sealed them as best I could. I made a few mutants before I managed to get some pretty decent looking ones.

I made two cookie sheets worth of these little love dumplings, covered them loosely with plastic and put them in the freezer. About an hour and a half or so later, I placed them in a large ziploc freezer bag.

My favorite way to eat these precious morsels is to brown their bottoms in a pan with a little bit of oil. After a few minutes, pour in a little water, cover the pan and steam them for close to ten minutes (since they are frozen and contain raw meat). I eat them with a dipping sauce made out of soy sauce, rice vinegar, sugar, red pepper flakes and chopped scallions.

mmmmmmmmmmm

B's Staycation part 2

2008-08-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning when my body told me to get out of bed. Stomach told me I was hungry and should seek food. So me and Mrs. took a little trip to Sea Salt. If you try to go to this place on a sunny summer eve - you can expect a wait. The first time we went there last summer, we waited in line for an HOUR. Normally, we would have said, 'forget that shit.' But we had taken our bikes there and by the time we made it, we were too hungry to find a plan B.

Ah, but on a Monday afternoon, the wait was minimal and as you can see the food was a treat. I was craving fish tacos like a traveling hamster and that's what I got. And yeah, I picked the cilantro off. Apparently, I have the 'cilantro tastes like soap' gene.

Time off...

2008-08-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

Last year I took a week off from work around my 40th birthday, just so I could hang out and screw around. Well, this year, I can't wait until September, so I'm taking this week. My goal is to do pretty much whatever I feel like.

Today, Sat. I took the bike out for a long ride down the Midtown Greenway. And fired up the grill and burned some chicken.

Per a previous post, I like my job, but sometimes I just get really tired of having a schedule: getting up by a certain time, putting on appropriate clothing and being in a certain place for a specified amount of time. For the next week, I'm staying up until I get tired, getting up in the morning when I'm ready to get up, wearing what I want to wear and not keeping a schedule.

ahhhh.....

Let's face it...

2008-08-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

Commuting to and from work day in and day out gets to be a big drag. So I made a short video that attempts to make the drudgery of driving cool. Check it out.

Let There Be Rawk...

2008-07-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

This here video was made possible by Fender, an iMac, Garageband, Quicktime Pro, WireTap Studio, iMovie and of course a guitar player who's still got a little too much 'guitar-ego.'

Enjoy.

Gorilla video

2008-07-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

I just got one of these kewl tripods for my camera. So every once in a while, I set the camera on the car dash to record some video of my travels. On my way home from work on Friday, I filmed this on 35W.

Your life or your jewels, fool

2008-07-24T07:34:00.000-07:00

A little Sesame Street gangsta rap for y'all.

The Office

2008-07-22T08:07:00.001-07:00

No windows. No people. Flourescent lights. This is the office. My workplace. If I had a weaker constitution, I would surely flip-out under these conditions. I am, for lack of a better term, a weekday warrior. I get up early, even though my body tells me to sleep. I get up early, even though there is no boss here to keep track of when I come in. When the walls close in on me, I get out and walk around downtown. When my brain begins to wobble after staring at the computer screen for too long, I put my head on my desk and doze to the serenading buzz of flourescent lights. I daydream about having enough money to do other things. I prefer to walk up and down the six flights of stairs rather than stand in an elevator with strangers. I don't care to chit-chat or listen to the big-assed office ladies bitch about Judy in accounting, "who does she think she is? I turned in those forms three weeks ago."

I'm good at working. I actually have two jobs and work nearly everyday of the week. I'm not a whiner. Don't believe in it. It doesn't accomplish anything. And actually, I like what I do. It's better work than digging ditches. But it's still work.

Band of Brothers

2008-07-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

Nate, Billy, Me and Chrispy earlier this week at Cosmos. These guys are, as the Chosen People say, Mensches. I looked up a couple definitions for Mensch and this one, from JewishHealing.com says it best:

A mensch literally means "a person" in Yiddish, but figuratively it means something much deeper. A mensch is a person with whom you would be happy to befriend and associate with, because you feel genuine in a mensch's presence. A mensch is a highly evolved human being.

The night this photo was taken by my lovely Mrs. was a weeknight. I had to cut my celebrating short, but she, Nate and Chris were heading out for more drinking and shenanigans. Now, my wife is a full grown woman and can handle herself. But there are times when I wake up at 7:30 a.m. to start my day and she's still out having her evening, I can get a twinge of worry. In this case, I didn't have a bit of concern. I knew she was with two men whom I trust with my life. And I knew that if any crap went down, that these guys would do everything to protect hers.

That's just what a mensch will do.

Time out

2008-07-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

I'm a news-aholic, but sometimes the stuff gets so potent that I just have to put down the sauce. I'm taking a break from news about bank bailouts, about the father who got stomped by six dudes - one of whom pinched his 12-year-old daughter's butt, Iran, Iraq, the presidential campaign etc. So I'm watching nothing but fuzzy bunnies and kittens today.

We're all a bunch of stupids - part one

2008-07-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

No one on TV does a better job than the Daily Show of showing how stupid we can be. Check out how Jon Stewart skewers the television media coverage of the New Yorker cover of the Obamas.

After hearing people say they were 'offended' by the cover, I get reduced to ranting like Lewis Black. @#%! You ##$!! idiots! Satire! @@#$%! Liberal magazine !@#%&** Because some !@#%! actually believe this #$^%#^!!

Ow, my spleen.

A few things to like about America...

2008-07-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

...besides the Muppets.

NFL Football
The interstate highway system
the pursuit of happiness
wide open spaces
Jimmy Carter was born here
the Constitution
all the best music started here

That's about it.

Vegging out

2008-06-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

This box of veggies came from the farm this week. The cool-looking long, curly things are garlic scapes. I'd never seen a garlic scape before, but the things are delicious. We also got three pints of fresh strawberries (little jewels of tasty goodness), asparagus, lettuce, kale and more.

It's almost a shame to eat the things, considering how cool they are and what they can do.

In a recent column in the Washington Post, Sally Squires writes about the nutritional virtues of fruits and veg. Although it's nothing you probably haven't heard before, Squires points out there's still much scientists don't know about what goes on inside fruits and veg - and what goes on inside your body after you eat them. It seems there's a new wave of nutrition science which -- instead of trying to extract the good bits out of plants and putting them into pill form -- is telling people to just eat the whole plant.

mmmm....phytochemicals and beta carotenes never tasted so good....

When the cat's away...

2008-06-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

The mrs. has been away for nearly a week exploring Costa Rica with her ma and sis. So, what's a guy to do? I've been doing a lot of cooking, sleeping, enjoying an occasional vodka cocktail and playing guitar. One day, I got it in my head to go crazy with the Garageband and let my inner Joe Satriani out. Yes, I am a guitar nerd.

Here's what it sounds like.

I also rented some movies the mrs would never watch. Like The Empire Strikes Back, Family Guy's Blue Harvest, and Cloverfield (although I had to stop the movie when the people started walking through the subway tunnels. Too scary).

As Sting sang, "the bed's too big without you..."

Highlights and lowlights of the past week

2008-06-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a few:

Got called to do an assignment for work that involved driving to Winona, MN (140 miles one way). During the course of my 14 hour work day, I spent about 5 hours in the car.

Next day - the alternator in the car goes on the fritz and I spend $482 for the repair. Also, my battery is weak and will need to be replaced before winter.

However - Saturday is a beautiful day. Wife and I ride downtown to BluesFest for the afternoon and then hang out at a backyard bbq in the evening. Over the course of the day, I got to hang with good friends and their adorable children, hear some good music, ingest lots of beer, grilled meat and vodka. And, to top it off, I got lucky.

Ice Cube aint' got nothing on that day.

Happy Anniversary

2008-06-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

Dining by the lake at sunset

Food cooked by fire

Serenaded by loon calls

Deep gazes into the flames of a campfire

Huddled under a cold canopy of stars our love is warm

Be kind to animals...

2008-05-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

...because they just might be planning our demise.

The following is a 10 minute presentation by Joshua Klein, who has a thing for crows. In the first 5:00 minutes of the lecture you'll see something that will blow your mind about how smart these little buggers are. Apparently, crows can make tools AND hold grudges against people, so don't piss them off.

By the way, I also highly recommend the TED Talks website as a great way to spend 'non-porn' minutes in front of the computer.

My eater's manifesto

2008-05-19T15:12:00.001-07:00

WARNING: this post is a little longer than usual. Most of it focuses on Michael Pollan's book In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. He's much better at talking about his research than I am, so if you're so inclined, check out the video of this Google chat he did a few months ago (it's an hour long, but it's the best non-porn hour in front of your computer you will ever spend):

And here's my little food testimonial:

I’ve noticed a pattern among my male friends. As we get to be 40-ish, we’ve come to the realization that we can’t eat like we were still 18. We used to believe we were indestructible and we ate like it. I remember being able to eat (and keep down) a Big Mac, large French fries and three hamburgers; pizza several times a week; and then there was the day me and Bill downed a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken between the two of us.

Now we are reminded by our bathroom scales, blood pressure levels and cholesterol test results, that we are not only mortal – but we are on the road towards heart problems, diabetes and other serious health problems that are linked to poor diets.

Hypertension (high blood pressure) and diabetes spot my family tree. I remembered my grandma Minnie, who had both afflictions, taking a handful of medications and giving herself insulin shots daily. It horrified me. My father also had a couple scares with high blood sugar and cholesterol and my own tests showed that I was pre-hypertensive, pre-diabetic and my bad cholesterol was kicking my good cholesterol’s ass.

I knew that I could get these levels under control by going on a low-calorie, low-fat, low-carb diet. But I also knew that, for me, that’s not a sustainable diet. Anyway, I don’t believe in diets. All a diet makes you do is crave the food you can’t eat and then fills you with guilt at any little slip. Face it, it’s no way to live.

Lucky for me, my wife read Michael Pollan’s book The Omnivore’s Dilemma. The book challenged her to look more closely at how and what she ate. And she challenged me to do the same. I first read Pollan’s follow up to ‘Dilemma’ a shorter read called In Defense of Food – An Eater’s Manifesto. It contains a lot of the info from the previous book. And in seven words Pollan sums up a reasonable approach to eating:

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

Here’s what I’ve taken to heart and have tried to adopt – not as a diet – but a lifestyle change (there’s a big difference):

Eat food. Eat real food -- not a bunch of processed stuff. Why? Because processing eliminates the natural goodness in food (and it puts a lot of harmful stuff in its place in order to give it shelf life). Plus, when food companies try to put the good stuff back in, scientists have found that the nutrients don’t behave in the same way. Meaning, all the supplements and “vitamin fortified” shit you eat – isn’t making you healthier.

Real food is more than the sum of its nutrients. For example, scientists have extracted the beta-carotenes from carrots and put them in other food. Now the evidence shows, you’re better off just eating the friggin’ carrot.

It goes the same for all the so-called ‘bad stuff’ like animal fats, carbohydrates and cholesterol. Remember, there are societies where their main source of protein is animal fats. Think about it. Herding societies and Eskimoes eat a lot of meat and fatty fish and whale blubber. Think of the French diet, full of butter and other fatty goodness.

The point Pollan makes is to look at the lifestyles together with the diets. Long story short – fat alone is not the enemy. And the fear of fat is driving people to eat artificially produced ‘low fat’ foods. I used to think I was eating healthy by eating those Boca burgers. But if you look at the ingredients, you’re going to find a bunch of other crap in there, that may be making you worse off than if you’d just had a burger.

The same goes with carbs. People have been eating pasta made from white flour, eating white rice, and white bread for years. Why all of a sudden are these verboten? (read the book.)

Not too much: Portion sizes are way out of control. We really just don’t need to supersize everything. I now cringe at ads on television for Taco Bell which extol the virtues of stuffing your food sac for $1.99.

I learned a little tip: if you’re full, you’ve eaten too much.

Mostly plants: Notice he doesn’t say ONLY plants. Although he says there are plenty of good reasons to go strictly vegetarian, there is a movement that recognizes the benefits of eating pasture-raised animals. Thank the gods. Because, to be honest with you, I’m just not giving up the meat. But, I’m certainly more willing to make a serious effort to eat pasture-raised, naturally fed chickens, pigs, turkeys and cows. These animals live better, die much more humanely and taste better than their feedlot brethren. Plus, because these animals have eaten what they’re supposed to – cows are meant to eat grass, not corn (its bad for them) – their meat becomes more healthful.

The challenge for me is to incorporate more plants into my life. And I have to say, after reading about the process under which plants convert sunlight into nutrients, I’ve attained a much higher respect for the little beings. They are amazing little sources of all kinds of things that are good for you, AND, when prepared properly (meaning not overcooked), they’re tasty to boot. And for the record – you will not cancel out the goodness of properly wilted greens by adding a little pork fat.

So I’m making more room for them on my plate. Whereas, I used to have just meat and potatoes – now the meat portion is smaller and there’s some kind of dark leafy green, like spinach or kale or chard. And there’s some kind of rice (brown rice is actually quite lovely) or bean dish.

The more plants you eat, the less room you have for meat. It’s as simple as that.

Pollan says, and I’ve come to agree – that America’s got an eating disorder. We don’t know what to eat, so we’ve turned to the food scientists for advice. That has led to a national obsession with the nutritional value of everything. We count calories and carbs. We buy butter substitutes, fake yogurt artificially infused with good bacteria and vitamins, we swallow vitamin supplements by the handful, we buy vitamin-fortified water (are you shitting me??) and we buy fiber substitutes – All because we refuse to just eat a balanced diet. Remember, all the good stuff you need is in the food – no supplements are needed.

So, after reading In Defense of Food, I decided that what I needed was not a diet – but a lifestyle adjustment. That means I put more time into selecting and preparing the food I eat. I look forward to seeing the butcher at Clancey’s and getting the low-down on the farms where the best cuts of the day come from. Also, Mecca and I signed up for a half a farm share, which will bring us 10 lbs of organically-grown veggies every other week. That means I’m going to have to learn some new recipes that involve fresh veg.

And really, the extra few hours it may take me to shop and prepare this food every week, is time that I would otherwise be spending either in front of the computer or the television.

I did start exercising a lot more than I used to. It has helped bring my blood pressure down -- at last check it was 110/60. And, personally, I think the exercise has helped keep me from huffing and puffing in the sack (if you know what I mean.)

Here are the results of the food lifestyle change so far.

I’m slowly losing weight. Which is fine - because diets encourage rapid weight loss and then when the diet fails, the weight goes right back on. I’m still about 20 lbs over my BMI or whatever. I don't really care. Interestingly enough, at my last physical, my doc didn’t say anything about my weight. She was more concerned about my lipid and blood glucose counts. My tests came back and to my pleasure, my good cholesterol is back to where it should be and my blood sugar is around 80 (it used to be close to 100 which is pre-diabetic).

When you think about it, food is not medicine. It is to be enjoyed. Share it with people you love. Don’t worship the food, but respect it enough to get the good stuff. Veggies and critters that have been properly raised are also good for the environment as well as your health.

Michael Pollan knows a lot of people have read his books and taken his research and advice to heart. So he often says in interviews – don’t freak out if you can’t always get to the farmer’s market for organically grown food. A peek in his fridge once revealed some processed food, including a can of spray whip cream. He said his son likes the whipped cream on his Belgian waffles.

“I’m not a fanatic,” he said.

So I’ll add this to his seven word manifesto:

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Don’t freak out.

Springtime

2008-05-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

What isn't there to dig about spring?

When I sit at the computer at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday, here's what I see. The sun is busting through a big pine tree right outside the window. If I listen closely, I can hear the sounds of springtime: the many patrons of the coffeeshop next door chatting and sipping Peace Coffee; their bored children squeak as they chase each other around on the sidewalk.

About this time of the morning, the little cat Baci is vying for my attention by rubbing up against my shins and occasionally, reaching a paw up to tap me on the leg. Most times he adds a little 'claw' to ensure some sort of response.

That's my cue to pick the little dickens up and harass him.

first grillin' of the season

2008-04-21T16:52:00.001-07:00

I took a day off of work last week and got bit by the grill bug. Chicken is one of my favorite things to cook. I like the indirect heat method of grilling because it takes longer and the chicken gets mega-juicy. Put a drip pan underneath and catch the tasty leaks. Don't get me wrong, I love burnin' burgers and steaks, but they're done in a matter of minutes and then all those hot coals just go to waste.

God watch

2008-03-08T07:32:00.001-08:00

There are more protests over cartoons depicting the prophet - er what's his name? The protests are being held in Afghanistan, mind you. To that I say, 'dudes, you live in a country being torn apart by war. Isn't there something else worth raising your fist and yelling about?'

The Mormon church recently decided to throw its support behind a state law banning the sale of wine coolers in grocery stores. According to the AP: "I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these alcopops are
directed to our kids. It is a gateway drug," said Rep. Mike Noel, R-Kanab.

Restrictions on wine coolers were almost guaranteed after the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said last month that it supported doing so. Sixty percent of the state's residents are
Mormon, but 80 percent to 90 percent of lawmakers are.
----

Music to torture terrorists by

2008-03-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

Last week Mother Jones released a list of songs that are reportedly used as 'torture music' on terror suspects.

Says Mother Jones: "Music has been used in American military prisons and on bases to induce sleep deprivation, "prolong capture shock," disorient detainees during interrogations—and also drown out screams. Based on a leaked interrogation log, news reports, and the accounts of soldiers and detainees, here are some of the songs that guards and interrogators chose."

Topping the list is "F*ck your God" by Deicide. You can listen to a clip from the song on the Mother Jones website. What jihadist wouldn't crack after listening to this satanic, speed-core (complete with 'cookie monster' vocals) played at earsplitting levels 24 hours a day?

The list also includes the Barney song, the Meow mix jingle and curiously "Raspberry Beret" by Prince. Really?

Here are a few of my suggestions that didn't make the list:

Anything by Celine Dion (that bitch just annoys me)
the commercial jingle for Kay Jewelers
"Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" by Wham
The entire score of "Guys and Dolls"
"Proud to Be An American" by Lee Greenwood

Of course, there's more. But any of this stuff played 24 hours a day would cause me to either dig out my eardrums with a melon-baller, or confess to being a terrorist.

My theme song

2008-03-03T17:38:00.000-08:00

I've often wondered that if I was a character in a movie, what my theme music would be? Well, I've found it in a song called "That Kind of Man," by a band called The Heavy.

What better musical accompaniment could a soul brother like me ask for? That driving beat and Curtis Mayfield-esque vocals bumping as the camera follows me as I cruise through downtown Minneapolis in my dope Ford Focus.

"duh-nah nah, duh duh nah nah, duh duh nah nah..."

I'm on my way for a big meeting with 'The Man.' Now I'm walking down an alley, wearing a full-length black leather trench coat, black beatle-boots and a turtle neck sweater.

"duh-nah nah, duh duh nah nah, duh duh nah nah..."

sweet...

From the heart

2008-02-14T05:28:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day cards are generally way too sappy and fake. I mean, really, a card with a picture of a silouetted couple on the front and a canned message inside is supposed to get you some leg?

Not for me. I've decided to post my superior-awesome Valentine's Day poem to my beloved on my blog for the whole world (or the three or four people who read it) to see:

Your love is better than bacon
or finding a 20 dollar bill in my coat

Your love is better than sunshine
and chocolate and freedom and whiskey
or clean laundry or curried goat

without you life would be cruel, nasty and banal
it would suck, much worse, than being hungover at the dentist getting a root canal (with Celine Dion music playing in the background)

I love the things you don't like about yourself
like the body parts you think are too big

I love you more than the gays like the showtunes
I need you more than Harry Connick Jr. needs a gig
(really, what's he been doing lately?)

Your beauty makes me feel giggly and warm
like a schedule one drug

And right now I need a fix,
c'mon baby gimme a hug
(like 50 cent)

You're prettier than new money
sexier than a rare, ribeye steak

You smell nicer than a Bed Bath and Beyond
you make other women jealous and say 'gimme a break'

Some may hate you cause you're beautiful
but let them haters hate

All that matters is I love you
This is a celebration bitches - let's celebrate!

Happy Valentine's Day baby

When the Levees Broke

2008-02-09T08:04:00.001-08:00

Watched the Spike Lee documentary, "When the Levees Broke" last night. It is probably the closest any outsider can get to what happened to the people who got flooded out of their homes and their lives.

I took this photo of an old cemetery in New Orleans in 2006. Mrs. M and I loved our visit. The people were great; food spectacular; music amazing. But after watching the documentary last night, we realized that we missed so much. The city will never be what is used to be.

That's a crying shame.

Another great photo

2008-02-06T18:03:00.001-08:00

This is the first car I bought with my own money. A 1971 Plymouth Valiant. I bought it for $600 from a dude who used to drive the inter-campus shuttle which I took from class to work everyday when I was in college.

The bus driver was a Jehovah's Witness. I found out after I asked him one day if he voted during the last election. He told me his religion forbade him from taking part in such earthly, secular activities. I asked him, 'well, what if someone that you thought was evil was running for president. And your vote was the best way to stop him?' He told me that was up to the lord to handle.

Anyway, I loved the Valiant. In this picture it's parked behind the house I lived in during much of my college days. The house was located downtown, 1212 S. 7th street. 1212 was the scene of a lot of keggers, brawls, all kinds of sex, drug use and a few mice.

Oh yeah, the car. It was so cool. But one day, while I was stuck in traffic, it overheated and burned up the engine. It would have cost three times what I paid for the car to fix it. I was heartbroken, but, then again, it was just a car.

I got another one later. But you never forget your first.

The greatest thing since, well, bacon

2008-02-02T09:53:00.001-08:00

Hats off to the 'Breakfast Blogger' for bringing the 'bacon weave' to my attention. How many times have you been eating a supertastydelicious BLT or bacon double cheeseburger, and you have to keep re-adjusting your bacon? It shifts around because the lettuce and mayo is slippery. And of course, you want to make sure you get some salty, smoky goodness in every bite.

I've got to try this soon.

one of my favorite photos

2008-01-31T15:42:00.000-08:00

This is me and my big brother Niel. The photo was taken almost 40 years ago. My mom tells me that when I was this age, I followed my brother everywhere. I tried to emulate everything he did. I looked up to him and he could do no wrong in my eyes. Had my brother been a real dick, he could've done some cruel stuff to his little brother. But he never did.

I still look up to him and think he can do no wrong. He lives in California with his wife and two kids. One, Jett, is a little boy about as old as I am in the photo.

Niel is one of the coolest people you'll ever meet. He's only three years older than me, but I still want to be like him when I grow up.

It doesn't get this cold in Africa

2008-01-23T19:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when it gets this cold, I get mad at white folks for the whole slavery thing. I think, 'hey, if they didn't take my people out of Africa, I'd be in some warm country right now.' Sure, I might be dodging bullets or machetes in the coup attempt of the week. But I'd be able to unclench my shoulders and neck once in a while.

So, if you're white and you drive by a group of black folks shivering in the cold waiting for a bus. And they scowl at you -- all warm and content in your sensible compact car. Chances are they're thinking the same thing I am: "Damn, it don't get this cold in Africa."

Memory Lane...

2008-01-05T07:05:00.000-08:00

I just got a new scanner. So I've been scanning some pictures that are tucked away in photo albums on a shelf in our bedroom. My goal is to bring them back into the light of day and make them more accessible.

So far, I've gotten through pics taken about the time me and the Mrs. first met and some of our informal wedding shots.

There are so many pictures from parties. Most of the photos feature our guests mugging for the camera as they grip their drinks. It's funny to see clothes you used to wear; that ugly lamp we used to have in the living room of the old duplex we lived in over north. Some of the pictures feature couples that are no longer together. And some of the wedding photos show loved ones who are no longer with us.

You also notice how seven or eight years have changed the people around you. Back then our faces were a little thinner; us dudes had more hair.

Check out the wedding pic. It makes me think, 'dang, I looked pretty sharp. No wonder she wanted to marry me.' heh.

Somebody probably said this before me, but pictures really are bookmarks. And these are stuck in a book that's still being written.

Prepare for a 'back in my day' rant

2008-01-01T07:56:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the more I utter a similar phrase - like "I remember when" or "back in the day." Sometimes I feel like Dana Carvey's 'Grumpy Old Man' character. "In my day, the girls didn't wear underwear made of strings. They wore big, white bloomers that covered them from head to toe. And we liked it!"

For today's installment of 'remember when' I turn to college football.

Remember when the only college football bowl games were played on New Year's Day?

Now, there are way, way too many bowl games and most of them are played anywhere between Thanksgiving and like, mid-January. It used to be just the Fiesta, Orange, Sun, Cotton, Gator, Rose and Sugar Bowls. Then the bowls started to 'run out of money' so they needed sponsors to bankroll them. So, you started getting the 'Federal Express Orange Bowl' or the 'Tostitos Fiesta Bowl' and stuff like that.

That led to shit like the 'Chick-fil-A Bowl'. Never heard of Chick-fil-A? Neither have I. I think they're a fast food chain or something. Not McDonalds, or Burger King or some other established fast food chain. WTF?
Of course, there's the Outback Bowl (named after the mediocre restaurant chain).

Here are a few others, "The Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl" and the "Meineke Car Care Bowl." So do the winners of this one get coupons for free oil changes? There's the "San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl." I kid you not.

I count a little over 30 bowls this holiday season. So that also means just about every college team in the nation gets to play in a bowl game. It used to be just the best teams got in. Now, apparently all a team needs is to have an above .500 record.

Happy New Year, y'all

Molly Ivins: An appreciation

2007-12-29T10:52:00.000-08:00

Political columnist Molly Ivins died in 2007. So as a little tribute, I cut up a speech she gave at Tulane U in 2004 and made some video snippets. Each clip is two to three minutes - very short.

Personally, I'll miss Ivins because she had a knack for espousing very populist, progressive views without clobbering people over the head with it.

The first clip is classic Ivins as she talks about defending the First Amendment against the machinations of an anti-pornography minister in Austin, TX.

She followed politics for the Texas Observer and could spin hilarious yarns about some of the odd elected officials that lived on planet Texas.

Ivins was critical of politicians and the political machine. But she never became cynical. That is, perhaps one of the things I admire about her most.

Merry X-box or xmas or something

2007-12-28T14:39:00.000-08:00

Here are some things I love about this time of year.

Lights everywhere. It makes sense that during the darkest time of year, that people celebrate light. Whether you follow the traditional pagan recognition of the solstice or you believe Jebus is the light of the world.

And by the way, isn't it funny to hear the Christians complain about the 'war on xmas?' Or complain that Santa - a make believe character - is replacing Jebus as the symbol of the season? I find it just as plausible that a dude in a sleigh drawn by eight flying reindeer can deliver toys to children all around the world in one night - as I do that god decided to impregnate a virgin and that his son would perform magic tricks, get nailed to a cross and then rise from the dead.

Well, maybe that's all I like about this time of year. Nice having a day off work too I suppose.

Hey, my buddy Bill just started a blog. Check out his photos, he's a smashing photog.

Merry New Year y'all.

Here's what you get when...

2007-11-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

...you put a guitar geek in front of a computer with a video camera.

Five days in Playa del Carmen

2007-11-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

Highlights:

My Mrs, already beautifully sun-browned and delicious from over a week in Playa met me at the bus station. In the first half hour she got me a chicken tamale from a street vendor, gave me a few shots of tequilla and then 'put it on me' back at the hotel.

That pretty much set up how the next five days went.

Me, the Mrs and her sister - the kid Dominique - kept the following schedule:

a.m. - breakfast, beach
p.m. - beach, nap, 1st dinner and drinks
late a.m. - more drinks and 2nd and third dinner (usually found at a taco stand or pizza joint).

Other highlights:

Drinking all of the tequilla in Playa (or at least trying)
smoking a real Cuban cigar
food and drink everywhere you go
lots of friendly dogs hanging out at the bars.
warm sunshine, blue waters and tropical breezes
taste of the ocean and Resposado Tequilla on wife's lips
sitting on the beach at night in Tulum, watching the waves crash onto reefs and sand and spending the night in a cabana with the Mrs which was reminiscent of our honeymoon seven years ago.

(And just for the record, my wife is already more beautiful than 99.9% of the mortal females. But she got even more gorgeous with a few extra layers of sun darkened skin contrasting against her white bikini.)

In short, my five days in Playa was all about love, sunshine, tequilla, ocean, sky, good eats, family, friendship, sex, dreams and art.

My friends, I ask you, 'what more do you need?'

(More pics of the trip and posted here.)

Feline delinquent attempts arson

2007-11-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

Does this look like the face of a criminal?

Yep.

My cat Baci nearly burned down the friggin' building this week.

I went out for a few hours to a friends house and when I got home and opened the door to the building, I immediately smelled gas. When I walked into the apartment and entered the kitchen, I found a pan full of tomato sauce on the floor next to the stove and the right front burner nob turned all the way up, filling the kitchen with natural gas.

I launched into a tirade of profanity as I began to open windows and break out the fans to get the dangerous fumes out of the building. I knew it was Baci, because he'd lately taken to jumping on the stove on his way up to the top of the refrigerator. I wanted to choke that little cat, but first I had to alleviate the threat of an explosion. I had to move fast because at any moment a spark could have blown us all to kingdom come (and I half expected Baci to try and finish the job by lighting a cigarette or something).

Not only did he nearly kill us all, he spoiled the rest of the very lovely tomato sauce I'd made the day before. I was hungry and looking forward to eating it over some linguini.

That little fucker might have 9 lives, but I've only got one. So every morning I tape up the nobs on the stove before I leave the house.

Dude, look at the chicken

2007-10-04T09:02:00.001-07:00

Reason #45 why taking a week off of work and putzing around the apartment is a good idea:

Grilling chicken.

What can I say? It was sunny and 70 degrees. I had a grill. I had charcoal. I had chicken. I had rum.

I took some time off from enjoying the new iMac and ventured outside to fix some vittles and the gods smiled on my face. And they blessed my chicken with crispy skin and wonderfully smokey flavor.

mmmmmmmmmmmm...

Party in my tummy indeed

2007-10-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

This video sums up the last four days I spent with the mrs and some close friends down in Houston. All we did was eat, drink, eat, drink, hang by the swimming pool and sleep.

On the first night, my man Nate grilled some fillet Mignon. The next night, the Mrs made a shrimp scampi with fresh, wild caught gulf shrimp. Then there was grilled pork tenderloin with what I call 'magic potatoes.' And the final night, grilled beef tenderloin sandwiches w/ Mexican style corn on the cob. The sandwiches were made with croissants, cheddar cheese AND horseradish mayo.

Creamy, fatty, goodness.

Did I mention, that every morning we fought back hangovers with waffles, bacon, Keri's special French Toast (right) and hash browns?

Geek Week

2007-10-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

I've declared the week of Oct. 1 through Oct. 5 to be "Geek Week." And to celebrate, I bought myself my dream computer and have taken the week off of work. Throughout the week I'll be nerding-out in style exploring the vast features and bells and whistles of the new 24" iMac. If you are also a geek, then I'll tell you it also contains a 2.4 ghz duo-core processor, 320 gb hard drive and 2 gbs of RAM. It'll burn DVDs and CDs faster than a, er, well it's pretty darn fast. Plus, it's a bajillion times more powerful than my old iMac which I got seven years ago.

A few things I’ve learned in 40 years of living

2007-09-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I’ll be 40 years old. That’s as close to 50 as I’ve ever been in my life. So it’s got me thinking about a few nuggets of wisdom I’ve accumulated. Allow me to share a few:

Try something new --- If you dread doing things that take you out of your comfort zone, ie: traveling, eating new food, exercising, meeting new people – that’s a signal that you must do them. I have found that more often than not, the activities or experiences that I think will make me uncomfortable turn out to be just fine – even enjoyable.

Meet your demons --- Like most people, I have personal demons who inhabit my subconscious mind. Over the years, I’ve gotten to know them on a first name basis.
First there’s Argok – the Lazy. He’s a smug, fat, slovenly demon who tells me to stay in my comfort zone and not try anything new. Argok constantly reminds me that I’m pretty cool the way I am and don’t have to worry about improving myself.

Then there’s Grakeziel – the Seductress. She’s the demon who compels me to seek instant gratification and generally messes with my self-discipline. She whispers to me when I’m hungry, “One little New York slice of pepperoni pizza isn’t going kill ya.”

And there’s Sharshamel the Timid. He’s a cowardly demon that pushes me away from conflict. His mantra is: “If you make people mad at you, they won’t like you anymore.”

Do you have demons like these?

Accept the randomness of the universe --- Shit really does ‘just happen.’ And any attempts to explain or rationalize why that’s the case are futile. Holding a lucky rabbit’s foot, or four-leaf clover is just as good of protection against calamity as is a cross. Bad things happen to people to who pray several times a day; who abstain from liquor; sex and all manner of vices; who volunteer their time to feed the hungry and clothe the naked.

So do all that if you want to, but don’t expect that’s going to keep you from getting eyeball cancer, or stop an anvil from falling on your sister or from your house from being destroyed by a rabid beaver infestation or some other awful act of nature.

The universe is random and mysterious and scary and wonderful.

Maybe in another 40 years, I’ll figure it out.

Found: One pair of blue, thong underwear on the street outside the post office in downtown Hastings

2007-09-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

(a la Garrison Keillor)

"Questions about the origins of the displaced undergarments briefly replaced chit chat about the weather among Post Office customers and clerks for an entire day. That's saying something, since folks in Hastings take their weather talk very seriously.

"Molly Gustafson, who owns the sewing shop on the other side of Main street from the Post Office, was the first to see the crumpled underpants as she arrived just as the office opened. It was Monday, and Molly was mailing a stack of coupons announcing 15 percent off black thread spools to her repeat customers.

"She told postal clerk Marjorie Olsen about the dainty and now dirty unmentionables lying next to the lone handicapped parking space. Molly asked Marjorie if she'd ever consider wearing 'such a thing.'

"Marjorie was not a small woman. She grew up on a farm where she was brought up on whole milk, butter and healthy portions of Midwestern modesty. She snorted jocularly as she considered the sadistic design characteristics of the g-string. 'Oh Heavens,' she laughed. 'I don't even floss my teeth.'"

"It was a line she repeated several times that day."

A broad sweeping generalization about women that is based purely on anecdotal experience

2007-09-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

If I’m in a hurry to get through a line at a grocery store or one of my favorite downtown lunch spots I make an effort not to stand in a line that contains more women than men.

It is a decision based less on gender and more on the fact that a certain part of the population carry purses that contain separate pockets for change, bills and cards. For example, the woman in front of me at Taco John’s orders a Number 5 burrito combo (with the free Churros) which comes to $5.78.

First, she reaches into the bill compartment and pulls out five singles and THEN opens the little change compartment to collect the 78 cents.

Then of course, after the transaction is done, instead of stepping aside and letting me order my taco salad with chicken, she has to reassemble the purse through a series of snaps and zips. Apparently most purses come with extra-secret compartments in which to hide change or cyanide tablets – just in case the owner of the purse is captured by the Nazis.

Indeed, some guys carry a wallet which does require an extra step. (Personally, I don’t carry a wallet. Wallets encourage pickpockets. Plus, they create an unsightly bulge on my otherwise shapely butt.) But I’ve never seen a dude subsequently pull out a change purse after laying down a couple bills.

I ask you, what is wrong with getting some spare change? Give it to panhandlers or take it home and put it in a jar. If you have free laundry, set it aside and take it to the bank after a few months. I used to get anywhere from $65 to $100 each time I took a bag of change to the bank.

Caffeine is a helluva drug

2007-09-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

"I've got wild, staring eyes/And I've got a strong urge to fly/But I got nowhere to fly to..."

--Roger Waters

Bad Wims

2007-09-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

Heh. I don't know what this little animal is, but I'm adopting it as my avatar. He is Bad Wims.

Fall approaches downtown Minneapolis

2007-09-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

Fall is nearing here in DT Minneapolis. And the cooler temps mean more business-suited individuals are returning to the Skyways to get around. The homeless and other displaced wanderers are also more prevalent inside the human habitrails.

Personally, I'm a fan of fall. The weight of humidity is gone from the air and I feel like I can stand up straighter when I walk outside. Plus it's becoming soup and stew weather. Once again, I can hunker down in my flourescently lit workcube and enjoy a warm bowl of goodness and a chunk of bread.

Fall is also the beginning of pro football season. It's a time of year when we lifelong Vikings fans can enjoy at least a few weeks of optimism, until the crushing reality of the Purple's consistent mediocrity compels us to downgrade our playoff hopes, to 'well it'd be nice if they came out 9 and 7.'

Ah, fall....

Flashing before my eyes...

2007-07-28T17:08:00.001-07:00

While going through a box of mementos I happened upon an envelope full of ticket stubs of some shows I went to years ago. I was flooded with memories of my youth and here are some highlights:

The Replacements and Soul Asylum @ the Entry Oct. 15, 1985. Soul Asylum bass player breaks bass string and the Mats open with "Color Me Impressed."

The Red Hot Chili Peppers @ First Ave Mainroom Oct. 9, 1989 -- Flat out one of the best shows ever. The ticket was a birthday present and my roomies also bought me beers all night. I got seriously altered.

Fishbone and Primus @ First Ave. Mainroom - Nov. 2, 1991
The show came right after the huge Halloween Blizzard of '91. I was so afraid the show would be cancelled because the roads were in horrible shape. But it wasn't. Bass guitar god Les Claypool was dressed in a dark blue hoodie for the whole show and he just rocked it.

Public Enemy and Stetsasonic @ First Ave. Mainroom - Dec. 12, 1988
The stage in the mainroom kept vibrating and making Terminator X's records skip, so Chuck D and Flavor Flav had to tone down the stageshow. But they still killed me. It was my first big hip hop show and I knew every rhyme to every song they did.

Monsters of Rock @ the Metrodome - July 13, 1988
My first time and only chance to see Eddie Van Halen play guitar. It was worth it, even though Sammy Hagar was fronting the band. Metallica blew my head off. Scorpions were boring. Dokken lackluster. But here's the worst part of the show: I was living in a house across the street from the dome and invited some of my old high school buddies to park next to my house during the concert. Unfortunately, my landlord wasn't amused and had all their cars towed. My friends were pissed at me.

Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jeff Beck @ the Northrop Auditorium - Oct. 25, 1989
My third and last time seeing the great SRV. Beck did a set. Stevie did a set. And then they jammed together. Oh god was that amazing. Weirdest memory from the show was there was some jarhead douchebag sitting behind us and he kept getting pissed everytime one of us stood up. So we sat. And then Stevie did "Voodoo Chile," so we said F-it and stood up. The guy got up came around in front of us and tried to pull one of my buddies down to the floor. He was then ejected from the building.

Other memorable shows - The Suburbs @ the Mainroom in 1984, Violent Femmes in the Mainroom in 1985, Ice-T and Body Count @ the Mainroom Feb. 10, 1992 (the brothers weren't havin' none of the moshpit); House of Pain w/ Rage Against the Machine @ the Mainroom April 5, 1993 (Rage Against the Machine melted my face off and I hooked up with cute chick after the show); Living Colour w/ Bad Brains @ Mainroom April 26, 1993 (dude - Vernon Reid and Dr. No in one show) and Prince at Glam Slam - July 25, 1994 - The Love Experience consisted of Prince, Michael Bland on drums, Sonny T on bass and Tommy Barbarella on keyboards. Prince played guitar all night and tore the shit down.